Who's Gonna Make Me Feel Deadly Clean Today?

Jan 23, 2020

Today I want to open my heart like I never did: I feel like trash, and I’m having trouble finding the words. So I turn to another U2 song from Achtung Baby. I guess what they mean is that you should be careful with your inner child.

In the song, U2 mentions the price of love. They make a bold statement, saying the price is not low. And I must say, if being lucky is about killing costs as if you were Carlos Ghosn, then I guess I’m heading for stormy weather.

I’m in the dark: I can’t see or be seen. The rays of the sun will explain everything to me: I spent 18 years without a summer, and now it’s threatening all my life as if I was Japanese with 20 years gone (I’m not talking about The Lost Decade).

“Let the sun take a holiday,” Jimi Hendrix used to sing. But the song is formal: I need two months of holidays every year.

Is The Only Requirement To Be Strong?

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I can’t always be strong, even though I’m sharing another beautiful song from U2 thanks to my 20 years’ obsession with listening to music. I guess someone genuinely messed up my limbic brain.

Yesterday though, I started to understand what my future will be like. I’m talking about mourning and associated emotions like pensiveness, sadness, and grief with a little boredom and distraction.

If I am mourning, then every day will be like the following:

  1. Shock and denial that should make me feel better even though I am spending another day without her. It seems as if emotions are absent at this stage.
  2. Anger and sadness that makes me unrealistically ambitious. Feelings of guilt can appear from nowhere at this stage.
  3. Bargaining and negotiation that will remind me that we should learn those basics at an early age. Being demanding is a cliché, and again, you had better be realistic with your expectations.
  4. Depression and boredom with clouds that won’t go away. Your daily life resembles 320 days of sun reversed, and the thunder isn’t very far away.
  5. Acceptation that makes life a little better. The loss is understood, and the person adapted to the situation.

What If The Universe Was Back In Black?

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In a recent post, I was saying our universe might be a big coffee shop. But today, I have changed my mind: Our world might be a daily dose of mourning.

What if before the big bang occurred, we had books to remind us how our universe works? But a fire destroyed everything, and the world was created as a big experiment to understand how it functions.

The darkness surrounding us might be mourning. We’re back in black, continuously shocked, angry, bargaining, bored, until we start to accept the situation. No one knows how many have died since 2001 or 1994. They didn’t say it was safe, so they didn’t lie, but we had nowhere to run.

How Does It Feel To Be 90 Years Old?

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I’m 39 years old, and some people complained I was still 20. But today I feel like I’m 90 years old because someone shamed me all over town. I’m making the most of my losing streak, and I must confess I feel abnormally vulnerable.

See, I’m a man, and I guess I’m trying to protect someone. See, I’m human, and I‌’m missing someone.

I don’t know what to do now, but I guess there must be things I shouldn’t do like smoking four packs a day and being a hypocrite. I thought that Saturday nights would give me all the answers.

Do You Know What’s An Opera In Your Head?

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All in all, I might have an opera in my head. An opera is a form of theatre in which music has a leading role. Theatre or theater is a collaborative form of performing art that uses live performers, typically actors or actresses, to present the experience of a real or imagined event before a live audience in a specific place, often a stage.

I used to have a balance between work and rest.

Having a drama every day is like asking a simple question every day: who has the right to do this to human beings? When it comes to killing someone, it seems human beings have an incredible imagination.

Don’t look surprised: it’s fair that I should stare at the backs of people’s heads. I remember when I had a healthy life, I was taking cute pictures of my surroundings.

One thing I remember from my childhood is simple: I was amazed by simple things like a keylock or a pinecone. Now, however, I have the blues before sunrise.

I wrote a little more than 750 words, and I’m amazed to have done that. I couldn’t come up with exciting things to say for two days!

Nicolas Sursock

Nicolas is a musician. His work now focuses on digesting 10000 songs of jazz, blues, soul, rock, funk and electronic. He plays the guitar if he's not blogging!